His fault
by FireStarRD
Summary: "She was dying in a bathtub, and it was all his fault." Trigger warning, won't be finished, sorry! Request story.
1. Chapter 1

Mai subtly opened the door to where Naru was sitting and reading in his office and gently set down the cup of earl grey tea in front of the man. It had been a month since he had returned. A year since the... Incident. The incident being the confession, of course. And Naru was honestly concerned about her. She had been very, very quiet lately, without her usual chatter and laughter. There were purple bags under her eyes, and she was incredibly thin. The useless banter between them was gone, and it was driving him insane.

He had come back to England because he missed her, for god's sake! But she had changed in the months he was gone. And it's not like the rest of his team could tell. Ayako and Monk were on their honeymoon, Yasu was finishing exams and therefore wasn't there, and Masako was overseas for a new show. Lin didn't really care, he didn't particularly like the brunette. She tried, being incredibly nice to him, but he found her inept.

Mai turned to leave the room, before stopping at the door. Naru watched her out of his peripheral vision. Her brown hair curled around her face, and her caramel eyes looked vaguely curious. "Um, Naru..." She asked, after hesitating, "why is your book upside down...?"

Naru mentally cursed. Dammit! I was too absorbed in thinking about her.. An idiot move, I need to get back to work. "I was looking at a diagram. You're to stupid to understand it, anyway," He lied smoothly, mentally patting his back at the quick fix. Her pale cheeks reddened, but she only looked at the floor and replied "Yeah, your probably right," before continuing out of the room. Naru frowned. He actually, for some reason, missed her yelled insults back when he said such things.

He righted his book and started to read

Time skip***************************

"Mai?" Naru asked, shocked, "you're still here?"

"Eh?" Mai startled, jumping slightly. She crumpled the paper she was writing in her hands. Naru mentally sighed, with the jobs they were on she never had enough time for her homework, and she was starting to fail school.

"It's ten? Are you so dumb you can't read the time?" He scolded gently, sipping down the rest of her tea. Mai's cheeks colored to the red he loved, and he smirked.

"I must have lost track of time," Mai mumbled, grabbing her coat. "I'll get going."

She left the workplace as Naru fetched Lin, it was time to go home. It was almost eleven, and he was actually very tired. He and Lin drove home in a comfortable silence, each man wrapped in his own thoughts.

As he crawled into bed, Naru couldn't help but think of a certain tea making assistant and smile. Maybe one of these days, he would tell her he loved her.

Time skip************

Naru was worried. Mai was an hour late, and she had been sickly all month.

Tick. Tick.

Naru glared at the clock. Each second was a second without her, a second without her tea, her smile, her... Mai-ness. Mai was Mai.

Tick. Tick.

"I''m going out!" Naru declared in a growl, grabbing his coat.

"Naru!" Lin protested. But the younger man was already heading downstairs to where his car was located- black, of course. It took him ten minutes to get to her house, and the entire time he gripped the wheel tightly, drumming his fingers.

When he finally reached her apartment, it took all of his self control not to run up there and throw open the door. Instead he briskly walked to her front door.

"Mai?" He called, knocking on the door. "It's me. Kazuya. Let me in." There was no reply. He pressed the doorbell to no avail. The brown wooden door was locked, so he checked under the welcome mat for her spare key. It was there, so he let himself in.

The first thing he saw was how empty it was. The living room and kitchen were bare (except for the furniture, which was also sparse) was empty of anything, save a single note.

"Mai?" He called. No reply. He was going to walk right past the paper, when he saw his name written on it. He froze. He suddenly felt cold wash over him. Freezing, freezing cold.

Tick. Tick.

"Naru", It stated simply. Naru picked it up. It was a full length letter, color coded. At the beginning of each color was a name. Monk was at the top. Naru scanned it and felt his stomach drop.

Don't let this be what I think this is. Let this be a misunderstanding. Let this be a dream. Please!

"Dear Bou-San,

Your the big brother I never had. Your like my father. You've always been able to lift my spirits when I was sad. You made the best music, and we're so sweet to me. Thank you for being my dad when I needed one. I couldn't have asked for a better one."

Dimly, Naru realized she was speaking in past tense. His mind seemed numb, like he couldn't really comprehend what he was seeing.

"Ayako.

You were my mother bear, so protective of me. You always made sure I was safe, emotionally AND physically. You trusted me even when I doubted you, and you were so strong. I'm surprised Bou-San hasn't been given a concussion!"

Naru was panicking now. What was this?

"Yasu-

You big flirt. No one made me laugh as long or hard as you did. You always lifted my spirits with your pranks and plots and theories. Thank you for helping me with schoolwork, I couldn't have even gotten (not that well) where I got without you.

Father John,

You are the sweetest and most charitable person I know. All you want to do is help people and appease your God. You never gave into temptation, you are so strong willed. I wish I was like you."

"Mai..." Naru's voice cracked. "What did you do...?"

"Lin,

I know you never liked me much. You think I'm dumb and can't do anything, and your right. I only get in the way. I'm sorry for everything I've caused you.

Masako,

Well, Masako. We were rivals. We both loved Naru. But I've given up. You are beautiful and talented and can offer him fame and money and perfection. I can offer him tea, which everyone can give. You deserve him, and he loves you. He rejected me, which was only to be expected. I wish you two a long and happy life together."

Naru was horrified. She had it all wrong. He hadn't rejected her! He loved her, not Masako! Mai was imperfect, and that was the perfect thing about her. She wasn't dumb, she was very intuned to others. She was naïve, but that just made her, if possible, even cuter. Not to mention, no one can make tea like her.

"Naru."

Naru froze, looking at the paper. He didn't want to read more, but his eyes were already looking down, scanning the paper. Her handwriting was messy, and the paper crumpled. There were tear stains on the paper, and he wasn't sure if they were hers or his, or if he was even crying.

He had never cried before, not even with Gene. He had been to numb then. And Mai had opened him up. And now he had found this paper- what did this paper even mean?

"Naru.

Perfect Naru. You were so intelligent, yet idiotic. How could you think I loved Gene? I loved you. It was always you."

Naru's breath caught in his throat. 'Loved?' What did that mean? But who cared? It was him! It was always him, and her, Naru and Mai, Mai and Naru.

"Yet you were so out of reach. You were smart, I was dumb. You were strong, I was weak. You were talented, and me clumsy. You beautiful, and me ugly. You were mature, and I was childish. You could do and had done so many things, the only thing I have ever achieved is making a mediocore tea recipe.

When I found out you had only hired me for free labor, I was hurt, but it made sense. It's not like I could do anything, or knew anything about the paranormal. I was always getting mad at you and wasting precious time.

I realized every mean thing or name you had ever said or called me was correct. It's true, all true.

I want you to know this isn't your fault, Naru. You do things like that, blame yourself. You didn't do anything but help me see the truth, and that's okay. It's okay, Naru."

"What isn't my fault?!" Naru thought, almost tearing the paper. "What?!"

"There are other things. You don't know this, but my old friends at school got afraid of me when they learned about my dreams. I'm teased daily, even by teachers, like that one girl we helped. They're all right to do so, of course. I'm so dumb I don't even know how I got to the grade I'm in.

The dreams at night are worse. They are so bad, so bad. I can't sleep for fear of them. I cry and cry and cry.

They raised the rent. I got another job outside of your job. I'm so tired.

I love you, Naru, but you can't ever love me back. I'm a freak. It's okay. I know that. I can't do anything right, and even THIS is a burden. I realize that cremation costs money, so I saved up for it so that's one less trouble. I also saved up for rent so you don't have to pay for that. It's attached to the back of the letter. I don't have enough for a proper funeral, but it's not like I need one. And you can keep the money from selling my things. I know that you, Naru, are addicted to tea, and switching types of tea can be hard, so I wrote down my recipe as to not burden you further. You next assistant can make it, maybe."

Naru froze. Cremation...? Funeral...? Selling her things? Next, new assistant?

It all kicked into place. He realized what she had done.

"Don't be sad. I loved you all. You were my family, and I let you all down. I was never one of you, not really. I was always too much of a freak. I couldn't even save my parents. Just forget about me, okay? That would be best.

I'm sorry guys, I'm sorry for everything."

Naru dropped the paper. It floated to the ground, drifting through the air before landing softly. He had to stop her.

He ran through her house. Bedroom, empty. Living room, empty. Kitchen, empty. Bathroom- Mai was in the bathtub. Her wrists were slit, and blood was pouring out. Naru let out a strangled noise and flew at her. He ripped off his shirt and tore it in two, wrapping them around her arms as fast as he humanly could. He called the police, screaming at them to come, that the most wonderful woman alive was dying at 441 Downing Street. He didn't know how much time passed before he heard the sirens. He just knew one thing as tears dripped down his cheeks for the first time since infancy- that he had let Mai down, and she had killed herself because of it.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter two

He was in the school building where the girl who could bend spoons had been, and he was all alone except for his assistant.

He knew he was dreaming. But God, he didn't want to wake up. Mai pushed him against the wall, smiling. But there was an evil glint in her eyes. Vaguely he wondered why it was he who was against the wall, and not Mai, but all thought went out the window as soon as she bit his lip. He let out a groan.

Oooooh. This is why.

He never had thought of him like this, pressed against the wall. But it's not like he hadn't imagined Mai as- so damn soft. She purred and then let out a growl.

Oh, God.

"Mai, we need to stop!" He panted. Even if it was a dream, he couldn't- not to his innocent Mai. She backed away.

"Why?" She whispered. To his horror, a trail of crimson blood streaked down her face. "I knew you don't love me. I'm sorry. It's not your fault."

Cuts slowly appeared on her arms. Naru reached out, searching for the wound with the most blood. If he could stop her, everything would be fixed! But she just kept stepping backwards. He couldn't reach her.

"No! Mai!" He cried. Not again. I thought I was safe here. Mai!

She fell in a heap on the ground, blood pooling around her. He screamed, reaching for her.

She was already dead.

"N-Naru?" A weak, scared voice woke him, and he lifted his head from the hospital bed. His blurry eyes landed on the skinny girl strapped to the bed. The form lifting her head...

Naru bolted up. Mai was awake! Her arms and legs were strapped to the bed, as procedure for the suicide patients. Her head was still sort of strapped, but she enough room to raise it a bit. Her eyes were wide. A flurry of emotions rushed through him, but he let none show on his face.

"Why- why did you bring me back?" The petite girl asked, caramel eyes watering. "Naru, I-"

"Do that again," Naru growled, grabbing his coat, "And I'll dock your pay." With that, he stormed out the door. The others rushed inside, squabbling on who could talk to her first, but he just walked to his car, wondering why he had never noticed she was as good as dead as soon as he met her.


	3. Chapter 3

"She was as good as dead the day I met her."

The phrase echoed in his head, pulsing in his veins. It fed his neurons and his fears.

"This is all of my fault."

He had annihilated her, her emotions, her spirit. Either way, Mai was dead. She had been dead for months, since the day the light in her eyes had hit supernova and died, birthing a black hole of depression.

He let out a wry chuckle as he imagined himself being spaghettified as he was pulled into those brown lenses, snapping pictures of what he said and filing them into folders of "forget" and "remember."

Since the day he had met her, she was doomed. Yes, she was alive physically, but the clumsy spitfire he has met then was gone and would forever be so. It hurt, hurt that he was the catalyst of it. He knew that depression was a chemical imbalance. But he also knew that the not sleeping or eating, lack of friends was all because he had pulled her into the ghost world all because he wanted free manual labor and had the slightest thought she was cute and made good tea.

What an idiot scientist he was.

A girl's life was not worth free labor or tea. It was not worth the presence of one sided love. It was sacred. Even if she was reborn, reincarnated as some religions thought, the situations of every life would tint or taint her. In this life, he had tainted her beyond recognition.

He had destroyed innocence, and that was something that could not be forgiven. He had ripped off her gossamer wings, and as he walked into the gray and beige office that seemed to reflect Mai's bleak spirits as of late he knew that the others had seen him rip up the colorful purity. They knew.

They were all guilty, he supposed, for not noticing sooner, but it wasn't like they had known what she would do. John, Masako, the newlyweds, Madoka, Yasu. They hadn't been there. They hadn't been there, but they had been there- were there, currently- for Mai. And

They were always there, and he wasn't.

The wooden desk beneath him was stained with tea rings and splashes and forced him to get a rag and rub furiously. He would not be reminded of his constant need to focus. Not today. Not when he was to honor Gene.

How ironic that she would choose the day of death the day before Gene had, as if she wanted to condense all of his pain into two days but have it so his mourning rituals would not take up his entire 24 hours. Time left over to calm down. Considerate, as per usual.

He picked the papers from the drawer; the pungent rose; and set off for the park where the tallest sycamore grew. Where he paid his respect for his brother every year.

He clenched his fist. Another person he had killed.

He briskly strode towards the park, thorns digging into his palm. Blood trickled through his clenched fingers and dripped onto the hot pavement. It was overcast, yet not raining. The roads oddly empty. Perhaps the people of this region knew the severity of the day. The air was charged with electricity, and smelled of the metallic red substance, a warning to those who might dare to venture outside.

The physical pain did nothing to numb the emotional.

He reached the tree, smeared his sweaty, bloody mess of a hand over the trunk. A crumpled, deformed rose fell from the limp hand and the torn petals scattered in the wind. The picture of the twins and a copy of a eulogy soon followed and was torn to bits by the sharp branches far above.

Maybe it was the fact that Gene's body had finally been found. Maybe it was the fact that his best friend was in a hospital after committing suicide. Maybe it was the fact he had not cried in years, the familiar warmth and comfort of tea was gone, or the pain of a thorn in a vein. Maybe it was seeing a flash of a black and white memory being torn apart or seeing crimson spots over a chaotic city, over a chaotic type of peace of a empty park. Maybe it was the knowledge of the fact that someday we would all reach that rock bottom and would be tainted beyond recognition, either by our own hand or another's, maybe another that was close to us. Maybe it was the knowledge of the fact that innocence will always die, and that once we reach that bottom, no matter how tinted back to ourselves we become, we will never be the exact same shade of serenity. Maybe it was the realiza,tion that there were too many emotions in his head and heart to name or comprehend.

There are many contributors to any emotion, to every thought, every action, and we will never know the one that tipped Naru over the edge to cry.

A single tear landed on a gnarled gray root. Another. Another. The tree drank his despair greedily as the man stood there. As the man stood there, head bowed, shoulders silently shaking, a mess of a hand upon the dirty, rough, gray trunk of a tree in an empty park at noon. It drank until Naru's eyes could cry no more.

He stood, wiped his nose ever so carelessly on his jacket sleeve, rubbed his blue spheres with his fingertips. He looked into the overcast sky, and there, in the branches of his tree, were a million scarlett drops, scattered among the leaves.

AN: Hi guys! I hope to have more regular updates. It's just that it's hard to get into this writing mood. I love y'all, but not in a weird way! Have a good rest of the week! Tell me what you want me to add/change/do/rant, okay?

tbc,

Fire*


	4. Chapter 4

Mai was alone in her hospital room.

"Do that again, and I'll dock your pay."

How could he? There was no reason for this! She could not afford the hospital bills. She should not be here! Even the nurse who had been assigned to her room had left for someone more important then her. She was a waste of food, gas, water, electricity, money.

Slowly, as to not alert the guard outside, she slipped her hands down the leather straps. They were to be on until the doctor could see her tomorrow, since they said Ayako was too biased. Her arms were bandaged, but thinly, and she could slip the straps back and forth over the scars, destroying the scabs and making them bleed. It was idiotic, impossible, but she wished she could bleed out and save fate the trouble of ending it for her.

There was a jingling at the door.

"Sorry dear. You alright?" The light lilac clad nurse poured a glass of water and brought it to her before noticing her bandages. "Oh sweetie, why didn't you press your nurse button? I'll go get you knew ones." She hustled out to get the supplies.

Mai let her head fall to her pillow, tears collecting in the corners of her eyes. Red petals and torn paper scattered past her thick glasses hospital window, and she watched them numbly.

In the silence, Mai forgot to answer.


	5. Chapter 5

He was an IDIOT. "I'll dock your pay?" How could he say that when what he really wanted was to throw himself to the floor and beg for her forgiveness, shake her and scream what he could do to help her, scream his repentance, ask how she could do such a thing.

"If you do that again, I'll dock your pay."

Her _pay._ As if something as trivial as that was important now. He couldn't even walk into the office without Yasu walking right out. Naru was sure Mai hadn't said anything, but Yasu was perceptive, with good hearing to boot. Yasu knew, and knew that Naru knew that he knew. Yasu wouldn't tell. He would let it pick at the young man until he confessed or it killed him. A sadistic, revenge plotesc experiment, a silent testimony to rage and hurt.

Oh, Yasu. It pained him to look at him. Yasu handled Mai so well. He took care of her, he was the older brother Mai had always wished for. He was cheerful and energetic, and he had ruined this amazing boy, too, by hurting Mai. All of them, really. Everyone's spirits had lost a peice- A Mai shaped hole, all his doing.

He wanted to say he was sorry, he never meant to be responsible, but he wasn't sure he was.

"It was always you, not Gene."

If he had known... No, even if he had known, he would have left. And when she stormed towards him, angry that he hadn't responded, just disappeared, he would have swept her off the ground in a kiss her imagination would have been envious of. If he had known... No, even if he had known he wouldn't have felt bad teasing her. Watching her cheeks flush, her eyes widen and narrow accordingly to the words spilling from his mouth, her mouth opening slightly, a small sound of protest slipping from her lips.

But now... He regretted every minute of it. Every minute he had killed her soul, every minute he had thought of her being "ruined" if he made an advance, every minute he let himself be a narcissist sociopath and care only about "ruining" her, as if her Mainess, her brilliance, was based on her being pure- oh, him, not just an idiot scientist but an idiot boy! How could he have thought something so blatantly sexist and call himself a genius, how could think something so gross and say that he lov-

He shot to his feet, his desk chair spinning creakily across the room. His hand reached out, threw the pen he was holding and he watched with morbid fascination as it went into the wall, stuck there like a push pin, tiny spiderweb cracks.

And like the wall, he felt himself cracking.

He sank to his knees. A peice of ripped paper fluttered in the window, as well as a sunflower petal. Which, confidently, been the flower at Bou-San's and Ayako's wedding. Or maybe it want.

He stared at it, and it floated outside and towards the hospital. Naru hrabbed his coat, sprinting down the stairs, flinging himself around corners.

He had to go see Mai.


	6. Chapter 6

Lin had watched this boy nearly tear himself apart from the inside out after Gene's funeral, screaming in wretchedness into the air in the center of an empty feild before Lin could help him stop the PK. He had watched this young boy's shoulders slump as his mother passed him, sleepy, and absent mindedly greet him with a "good morning, Gene!" before realizing what she had done and breaking into sobs. He had see this boy stay awake for three days straight to finish a case so his father would not be disappointed, and he had seen him slowly die every time a lead was not his brother.

But he had never seen him numb.

There was always the telltale twitch of emotion in the tap of a finger on a cup, or eyes narrowed, or the slight bent form as if protecting his middle, or in a stance in front of a client in protection. The slight hitch in a breath as he bent a spoon, or looked at the tea maker, or the tug at his lips as he watched his friend's antics, before he got annoyed and threw them out. He had seen him blame himself for anything and everything.

But he had never seen him numb.

Lin watched as Naru stopped in front of the hospital room, slamming in his tracks. He watched as he saw scars forming on Mai's arms, and knew, just as Naru knew, that there was nothing they could do. Her pain was so great it was manifesting on her arms and legs in cuts. The nurse was looking on in confusion and horror as tears fell from the corners of her sleeping caramel eyes.

He had never seen him numb. Until he saw him break.


	7. Chapter 7

Yasu was silent the first few minutes of the call. And then he started screaming.

"You IDIOT! Why the FUCK would you let them do that to her? You FUCKING BASTARD, you will PAY for this, you son of a bitch, do you HEAR me?!" He slammed the phone down with a shriek of rage, sending it skittering across the table and to the floor. There was a moment of his hands quiving in fists in his laps, and a whisper of a tear slid down his cheek.

"Yasu? What's wrong?" His roommate sat next to him and set a hand on his knee, "Are you okay? Is there something I can do?"

Yasu, however, was silent. Understanding fell upon the sweet boy from the haunted inn Yasu now lived with. "Is it Mai?" He asked, ever so innocently, for he thought she was in the hospital under the usual circumstances. Yasu stiffened, and another tear fell.

"Yasu!"

Yasu collapsed, grabbing his shoulders, nails biting into skin. "Mai- there was a rally at her school- some people saying she was such a loser she couldn't even succeed in killing herself- how _dare_ they, how _DARE_ they- I- I-"

And he held him. He held him until the ebony haired male was all cried out, held him as he shook, and screamed, as words like hail pelted his chest. He held him, and Yasu held back, and there was a quick kiss. The sweet, understanding boy from that inn so long ago picked up his boyfriend, cradling him to his chest, and held on until the usually flirtatious young man slept.

For there was nothing else he could do.


	8. Chapter 8

Masako was all alone. She was alone often, but this time, it was different.

This time, there was no sense of spirits. This time, she was utterly alone, everywhere. The world seemed to hold its breath. She was standing in front of a window, looking down at a park. It was raining, and though she was inside she could feel the wetness falling down her cheeks.

She wasn't crying, not for that brainless girl! That kind, sweet, naive girl... She cried. She felt a hand on her shoulder, the doctor.

"Hara Masako?" He asked kindly. Masako looked up with a start. "You were listed as next of kin?"

She looked at him, confused.

"We aren't related, sir."

"That doesn't matter here. Were you two... In any kind of relationship?" The man looked uncomfortable, and Masako felt anger in her stomach. No, but even if they were it wouldn't be something to be ashamed about! Her shoulders sagged.

"No, sir. What is it?"

"she's gotten worse. A..." He checked his notes, "Davis is in there now?"

Masako slowly craned her neck to the door.

Oh lord. To see him again, after this? To see _her_ after this? It had been two hours and she had not gone in for fear of seeing her. She steeled herself.

"Thank you sir."

She walked towards her room, each step locking themselves away in her brain, so ominous. _Sht-ep, shh-tep, sht-ep._

As Masako reached the door she sensed something, something wrong.

She slid open the dark wood door, slid the curtain across. There Mai lay, and next to her sat a disheveled Naru. The room teemed with tension, and Mai wasn't looking at him, but Naru's eyes held enough emotion for the two of them. Such anger Masako had only seen in the eyes of demons, such despair she had only seen in the eyes of parents, and such numbness she had never seen in the girls tea and honey pools.

Masako quietly closed the door before they saw her, and she did she heard the word drip slowly from his lips, gut wrenching and painfully held back; felt bile rise in her throat.

 _"How?"_


	9. Chapter 9

Mai was sorry. Sorry that she had not bled out fast enough. She would have hung herself, but it seemed to quick. She felt she needed to be punished for being such a failure.

She tried telling Naru, and the way he had lucked at her with such loathing she knew she had done wrong. He was gone now, of course. They always left.

Mai knew that everyone was alone. No one knew someone else entirely, but she seemed more detached from the others. They thought her all as selfless, cheerful. They did not understand that she was selfish in living, she offered nothing into the world, only used its resources. She was selfish because she did not distance herself from them first, forced them to stop caring so the world would be better off. She should have, but she didn't. Such an idiot.

She was lucky Naru had the told her what she always knew. The kids at school, her teachers reminded her, but when it came from someone she held in such regard it suddenly had clicked into place. Gene had been trying for months to keep her happy, and pretending to be so 24/7 while she,mentally figured out the best ways to do it but not having the courage to was exhausting.

She never knew how to relax. Gene even scolded her for that, sometimes. Just another thing she failed. The thought almost made her laugh, the fact a DEAD person could tell how much of a loser she was.

He was nice, though, for trying to convince her she wasn't. The others were as well. She knew within her heart they belonged here. Monk, Oliver, Madako, Lin, Ayako and John were already doing such amazing things, and Yasu was sure to go far. His boyfriend was so sweet, a magnificent chef at a new restaurant, and have leftovers to the homeless. And Mai? Mai made tea.

There was a sound at the door, and she looked up to see Masako in the doorway. The young woman took in the manifesting minuscule cuts with a horrified fascination.

The doctors, mumbling medical jargon stumbled sleepily past the doorway on their way to their break, and the heart monitor let out a steady beep, much to the dying girl's irritation. A constant reminder, a clock ticking.

"Masako! Hi! I'm sorry, the seats aren't that comfortable, but we could ask the nurse for a more comfor-"

"Shut up, Taniyama," Masako said angrily. Her fists were clenched. "How could you be so selfish?"

Mai had a momentary lapse of confusion. "Oh. In doing it incorrectly? I'm sorry, I just thought- I'll pay you back for the medical expenses, I'm sorry-"

Masako let out a jarring, cynical laugh. "Always so considerate." Tears started falling from her usually perfectly composed eyes, "You were the one that held us together. Everything just fit, and now it never will again. I finally had a family before you did this." She hiccuped.

"But it was for you!" Mai interrupted. "So you could be happy!"

"Why was I listed next of kin?" Masako exploded. "Why ME?" Mai looked at her, eyes wide with naivety.

"Because you didn't like me, I thought it would be easiest to pull the plug."

Masako shook her head. "Mai," she said tiredly, "I'm your friend. Always." She came into the room and hugged the smaller girl as best as she could, given that she was strapped to a bed. Her tearful cheek pressed into Mai's neck as she looked up blankly at ceiling. "We will always be there for you, okay?"

Masako made her way out of the room, grumbling about silly girls and friendship. Mai let out a huff of air.

"It's okay," She told the absence of a presence, "you don't have to lie to me. You don't... Don't..."

Beep... Beep... Be-

AN: aaaaah all of my stories have been so angsty lately, and this one is just... the angstist, really. I hope you had a good day! Sorry for the cliffhanger. I love you all but not in a weird way!

UNC! :D

FireStarRD


	10. Chapter 10

Ayako did not know what to do. They were home now, and had just gotten home after Mai's doctor had all but pushed them out of the hospital himself. Muttering obscenities at him under her breath, she pulled open her cupboards and shuffled around for something to eat.

They had planned on going grocery shopping at the end of their anniversary, but, of course, that planhadn't exactly been put in motion since instead they had rushed to the hospital. Not that it was anyone's fault, of course. She tried telling herself this, anyway, but she was angry.

Angry at herself, Mai's teachers and schoolmates, but oddly enough she was also mad at Mai. Mad that the younger, daughter like girl hadn't told her what was going on. Was she not good enough of a mother figure? What had she done wrong?

Ayako knew that Mai just didn't want to worry anyone, and that thinking of others was just what the girl did. Still, her heart was clenched tightly in her chest and she found it hard to breathe.

Her hand made a soft _cl-thang-ump_ as it hit a container of canned apricots, but she was to lost in thought to realize she had just pushed her supper to the back of the shelf. Without Mai... what would life be without Mai?

It would continue quite obviously. SPR would stay open, solving cases. The cases would be a difficult balance of being harder for not having Mai's intuition and easier for not having to save her or listen to her fights with Naru. Tensions would rise. John would likely be the only optimist, other then Madoka's.

John. There was a thought. He'd been there rarely, but only because of the children he took care of. In fact, she was supposed to call him now. Madoka was next on the list, or perhaps she'd have John call. He had international free calls due to his job, and since Madako was in England reporting she didn't want the high phone bill.

Ayako reached for her phone, but two strong arms wrapped around her in a hug. "Already did that," her husband told hEr, his voice muffled by her hair. Ayako tsked, skin crawling slightly. He always seemed to know what she was thinking!

"How are you doing?" He asked her, letting her go and turning her around. He looked down at her with kind eyes, and Ayako melted. Tears pooled in her bright eyes.

"It's going to be okay, I just kn-"

There came a frantic banging on their door. The couple glanced at it and at eachother, confused, before Monk (could she ever call him another name?) strode towards the door while Ayako wiped her eyes. She would not cry. She would be strong for herself, her husband, her team. She had to be.

John was at the door, panting. His eyes were wide. And she knew. Her knees locked, and blood rushed to her head, making her dizzy.

Monk grabbed their coats and grabbed his wife, pulling her towards the door. She fumbled with the keys at their car, stumbling into the drivers seat.

It was time. Mai was going through her last fight. And if she didn't win? She would die.

And leave them all alone.

Thr thought shook her to her core before her logical self returned. She let her brain took over in moments of emergency, that was why she was an emergency Doctor. Mai wouldn't leave them, she would become a ghost. The thought scared her even more, and she hit the gas determinedly.

They had to get there before Mai gave up entirely.


End file.
